


Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Two of Us

by jimmoriartyisthebestboss



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Divergence - Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The First Avenger, Cussing, During Captain America: The First Avengers, M/M, Profanity, This was a funny story I wrote for the hell of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 10:56:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16157600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jimmoriartyisthebestboss/pseuds/jimmoriartyisthebestboss
Summary: "Bucky Barnes didn’t know how he got here. One minute they were drinking and the next it was a dick size contest. Literally."





	Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough for the Two of Us

**Author's Note:**

> This was a funny story that popped into my head one day and I knew I had to write. It takes place during Captain America: The First Avenger but is not film compliant. With the Howling Commandos and Bucky, anything could happen. The title is taken from the song of the same name by My Chemical Romance. I hope you enjoy!

Bucky Barnes didn’t know how he got here. One minute they were drinking and the next it was a dick size contest. Literally. Taking another swing of his drink, Bucky leans back in his seat and watches as two of the guys go off to the corner. A minute later there’s an exclamation of surprise and they return, laughing and clapping each other’s shoulders. “What about you Barnes?” James asks, clapping Bucky’s shoulder and sitting down heavily.

“Hell no. I know I won’t ever win.” There’s a howl of laughter at his response and he settle back into his seat with a smirk. “Now Steve Rogers. There’s a man with a big dick.”

The mention of Steve brings the short blond to Bucky’s mind. He can still see Steve as he left him, looking small yet strong as he watched Bucky leave. He turned back when the crowd had gotten thick enough and watched him look back at the poster of the soldiers. Jesus, he hoped that Steve had taken a factory job. Even if, by some miracle, Steve made it into the army it wasn’t guaranteed he’d end up with Bucky. The thought of not being able to save Steve or take care of him sent a twist of pain through his gut and he breathes in deeply to dispel it.

“Who the hell is Steve Rogers?” Gabe asks, his words slurring as he speaks.

“That guy he always talks about in his sleep.” James says, his British accent thickening. The whole table laughs and some pound their hands on the table.

Bucky just smiles, bringing his beer to his lips again. “One day I’ll prove you right.”

He, however, didn’t think that day would be now. Somehow Steve had found his way into the army. Not only that but he had beefed up, becoming taller than Bucky and stronger. Eyeing the front of Steve’s pants, Bucky drops the beer in front of him and smiles as Steve picks it up. They had spent their first night back in Bucky’s tent where they talked quietly to each other. Steve had been offered an officer’s quarters. It was better than sleeping outdoors but Steve had removed himself to Bucky’s tent. None of the Commandos had said anything, they weren’t the type to scorn love.

However, they aren’t the type to let an opportunity pass them by. James eyes as Bucky moves his chair closer to Steve’s side and leans in to whisper to him. Steve’s face brightens as Bucky leans closer until James bumps his beer against the table. “You have a big dick Rogers?”

Bucky, who had been about to swallow his own beer, starts to choke on the drink. Tears fill his eyes as Steve hits at his back and Bucky coughs. He throws James the best glare he can through his tears while Steve looks between them.

“Where the fuck would you hear such a thing?” Steve asks. His gaze slides to Bucky and then back to James. The little shit is holding back a smile that is driving Bucky nuts.

“Just some talk around the bar. We had a contest once you see. Barnes wouldn’t join in, but he said you had us all beat.”

“That’s not what I said. I just said it was big.” Bucky murmurs as he takes another swing of his beer.

The smile finally cracks across Steve’s face as he traces drawings into the wood of the table. “And how does one prove this?”

“Steve!” Bucky says, nearly dropping his drink.

“What? It’s an honest question.”

“We kept a length chart. Up Rogers, time to get measured.” James says.

“Okay come on this is ridiculous James.” Grabbing at Steve’s arm, Bucky tries to pull him back down. “Don’t do this Steve.”

“I have to defend my reputation Buck.” Steve says, ruffling Bucky’s hair who makes a noise of distress.

The second they’re out of earshot, the other Commandos start howling with laughter. It continues until James and Steve return, James looking sheepish. He passes the paper around the table as Steve takes his seat with a smug grin.

When the paper reaches Bucky, he has to read the number several times before it registers. “This has to be a lie.”

“Was it erect?” Junior asks, looking over.

“Not saying.” James says, leaning back and watching as Bucky looks between the paper and Steve.

Steve sits and looks smug as he finishes his drink and stands up. “Come on Buck. We’ve got an early morning.”

Several of the Commandos whistle as Bucky stands up and slaps the paper down. He silently follows Steve out of the bar but is stopped from further progress by Steve’s hand. His cheeks are flushed red as he looks over Bucky. “It’s not a lie. It um got bigger.”

Bucky stands speechless as he looks Steve up and down. This Steve is new to him and he reaches up to touch his cheek lightly. “Prove it.”

Steve chuckles against Bucky’s fingers and pulls him close as they start to head to his tent.

“There is one thing that confuses me.”

“What is that?”

“You could have had them beat. I saw the list, you are by far the biggest.”

Bucky chuckles and winks at Steve as he starts to walk ahead of him. “Because it’s only for you Stevie.”


End file.
